Most of my writing (at least 90%) during the past 3 years has been narrative prose. I've been fussing with another genre. These are WIPS (Works in Progress). I'll appreciate any reactions, thoughts, criticisms, and suggestions.
#1. Grandfather
Grandfather requires winding
In order for his innards
To keep time and chime
On beat.
Should Grandfather stop
Because someone forgot
To key him up, that's not
Fatal actually.
When the desired time
Coincides with where his
Hands stopped, rewind and restart the pendulum.
He lives again.
#2. Snowflakes
All have a nose,
Two ears and two eyes.
A mouth and chin complete
The face. With these
Dittos, how can
Each one not be alike?
#3. Immanuel
They summon their Immanuel:
Oprah, Oprah, the Barbies exult.
Crickets wait for Judge Judy,
Then have paroxysms of joy
When Bird and Judge emerge.
Tyra, Tyra, the Thumbelinas chant.
Each time the floor director gives
The cue, the Tiffanys enter a
Different world, riding My
Little Pony to a place where
Life begins with a pulled string
And a memory chip.
#1. Grandfather
Grandfather requires winding
In order for his innards
To keep time and chime
On beat.
Should Grandfather stop
Because someone forgot
To key him up, that's not
Fatal actually.
When the desired time
Coincides with where his
Hands stopped, rewind and restart the pendulum.
He lives again.
#2. Snowflakes
All have a nose,
Two ears and two eyes.
A mouth and chin complete
The face. With these
Dittos, how can
Each one not be alike?
#3. Immanuel
They summon their Immanuel:
Oprah, Oprah, the Barbies exult.
Crickets wait for Judge Judy,
Then have paroxysms of joy
When Bird and Judge emerge.
Tyra, Tyra, the Thumbelinas chant.
Each time the floor director gives
The cue, the Tiffanys enter a
Different world, riding My
Little Pony to a place where
Life begins with a pulled string
And a memory chip.
Hi, Larry,
ReplyDeleteSaw your request on Facebook, so thought I'd have a look.
IMO, "Grandfather" is a nice turn on an interesting concept. "Snowflakes," though, I have to confess, just doesn't do it for me. But bravo to "Immanuel!" Very nicely done! Love your dry sense of humor.
Thanks for the chance to review your WIPs.
If you're interested, you can read some of my work at:
http://bit.ly/iAUz0W ("At Last," flash fiction)
http://bit.ly/okFzkR ("Cafe 633," flash fiction)
http://branch92.com/?p=167 (Prologue from the novel, The Lowlands of Heaven)
Comments are, of course, welcome.
Best,
James
F.J. Dagg, author